Written by Jay Johnson

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the word “sexting,” but how familiar are you with the act of sexting? Like actually sending the text that says, “I’ve been thinking about your fingers inside me all day..” versus typing the text and deleting it. Are you shy? Are you someone that communicates well with words, or could you use a little help? — And side-note — in case you’re wondering why you should want help with becoming a better sexter, I’ll share a secret with you: it’s going to revolutionize your sexual relationship/s forever if you learn to incorporate it. There, I’ve said it, sexting will help your relationship/s by adding an extra element of sensual playfulness to what might be a bit boring. Plus, after 2020, we’re all pretty much glued to our devices. So, if you’re not a professional sexter, its because you probably need guidance. Let me show you my ways..

Now, if you’re like me, you’ve been sexting since before we had cell phones, tablets, and computers to do it on (I know, I’m old af lol).. But my sexting dates back to middle school with “love” letters that were truly more smut letters. I’ve always had a very expressive dialogue and a wild, sexual fantasy life, so putting those two together really helped me to gain a lot of attention from boys and girls. I wrote exactly what I was imagining (kissing mostly, back then) and sent them off in little notes around the classrooms. Today, that looks the exact same as telling your lover (or potential lover) exactly what’s going on on your head, involving them, sexually. The thought of having someone become aroused by reading your words and then stopping to play out the scene you’ve scripted, in their heads.. well.. my friends, there’s no better feeling.

But if you’re not like me, and words don’t flow easily, fear not, I will give you some sexting “hacks” that will make it easier for you to start expressing yourself more, over text.

1. K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, sexy)

Most people that don’t naturally sext, might think its a lot of work and they need to possess a writer’s diction, but that isn’t true at all. Even if you aren’t the greatest speller and may have a grammatical error or two, don’t over think it. Just as long as you get the idea across, you can become a very powerful sexter. Keeping it simple, means that until you are confident enough to lay down entire scenes in one text, sending an “I just watched you on your IG story, and my dick is so hard right now” text, is plenty to get the job done. Your boldness has now aroused your lover, with just two simple sentences. That is all you need to get the sexting started, simplicity and boldness.

Once you cross over from beginner, to intermediate sexter, you can start to develop sexual scenarios in your head and express them via smartphone. Again, keeping it simple means going from what’s really on your mind. What do you imagine doing with this person? What do you fantasize about them doing to you? If you were the last two humans on the planet and sweet granny would never find out what you did, what would you want to go down in the bedroom? Put that all in text! That’s secretly what the other person wants to read. If you find you have a partner that doesn’t respond well to sexts, it’s your job to say something risqué enough that they have no choice but to respond. The difference between “I want to suck your dick” and “I want you deep in my throat and after you fuck my face I’ll swallow every last drop until you go limp” can clearly be seen, right? Right. So get to it. It’s all so simple, just add more descriptive, enticing, details.

2. Keep it going

Now whether you’re the instigator of this sexting session or you’re the recipient of a sext, it’s in your best interest to keep the sexting going. One of the things that can deter your partner from either initiating or joining in on the sexting, is a “dead” sext.. that is, a sext that goes nowhere or is killed by a dull response. Ugh, nothing worse in my book. So when you are engaging your partner in sexting and you hit them with the starter, you must always be thinking of a response to their reply, ways to keep it going and keep it interesting. Many times if you’re dealing with an inexperienced sexter, they’ll respond with an “oh really?,” but that can also be the case for someone that distracted or limited on time (jump ahead to number 4 for my “hack” for those situations). If this is the response, you have to be ready to give them more. Go a step further into your description and tell them how they turn you on, or what you’d be doing to them if they were there. If you are the recipient of a sext, you can keep it going by asking for more detail. This is a great way to keep the sexting going, especially if you’re not yet a pro or you don’t know what to say back. “Oh yea? And what would you do if I was there?” The point is to never leave the conversation until there is a scheduled meet or a climax over the phone!

3. Keep practicing

Like learning any new skill, practice helps you to perfect your craft. The more you do it, the better you’ll become, and that will raise your confidence. The more confident you are with sexting, the more likely you are to use it with your partner, and that’s where the magic happens. Becoming a pro sexter can enable you to seduce, arouse, and satisfy your partner all in text. And it can allow you to tease them in such a way that your actual sex is more intense and orgasms are amplified. But you have to keep practicing because, “if you don’t use it, you lose it.”

Find time in your day to stop and send a naughty text to your partner or lover, even if you aren’t in the mood. It can quickly change your mood and theirs. I have never been put into a bad mood by receiving texts like, “Goddamn you are so fine and I can’t stop thinking about your mouth on me the other night. Those lips.. mmmm.” You see what I mean? That would make anybody feel like a sexual god, if they got that sext. So be the one that creates a little divinity in the other person. Make them feel special about their sex game or their body/parts, and I guarantee that when they see you again, they’ll come with their A+ game ‘cause they know you’re paying attention. This is especially helpful if you’re in a relationship and you feel its sexually stagnant. Text your praises for the last time you had sex to them and let them feel good about it; it could very well increase the chances of your sex life improving. Even if you don’t get a response, keep it going tastefully (don’t overdo it, see number 4) and eventually their interest will pique.

4. Becoming a pro sexter

After you’ve been at this sexting business for long enough, you can include things that make others consider you a ‘pro’ in the sext world. We’re talking full-on scenarios depicted in expressive language with much forethought and depth. And pictures — yea, I said it, send those nudes baby. Getting into sexting mastery requires a certain level of attention to detail and desire to stimulate the person on the other end of that line. Something that doesn’t come overnight for everyone, but can been worked through enough, so you possess a skill to lure anyone into blissful rapture after reading your words. When you have attained a certain level of sexting, you increase your desirability to your partner/s or potential mate/s. I don’t know about you, but if I encounter someone who is very good at sexting, I automatically imagine they must be good at sex, too. And that makes me want them. Being a pro means you have no problem initiating the sex conversation, you know how to keep it going, you’ve practiced over and over again, learning what works and what doesn’t, and you’ve mastered the art of nudes.

Now when I say nudes, lets get clear that I’m not talking dick pics or pussy shots, I’m talking art. Turning yourself into a fine piece of sensual art is something that can takes years to get right, or you can keep reading.. these days, you have to come with more than just a simple flick of your tits or boner in grey sweatpants. On the go, these work out just fine, primarily if you are in a hurry or not getting enough of a response from general sexts. But if you aren’t pressed for time, taking a little care into how you’re portraying yourself in your pictures, can really excite your partner and keep them engaged. Play around with different positions, different locations (Bathtub? Car? Bed?) and be mindful of your background. Have a mysterious element to your photos; sometimes pieces of your body can be more effective then giving the full shot. The point is to tease and make them want you/sex with you. If you give too much, it can take away from the desire. I always ask myself before I send a risqué photo, “does this make ME want to fuck me? Am I turned on thinking about them opening this text?” And if the answer is yes, it’s a go! Also, throwing on a filter or adjusting the lighting can often enhance a rather drab photo as well, so don’t be afraid to play around with your editing skills (I’m not talking snapchat bunny ear filters, either!). Because, remember, anything that enhances their experience, titillates their senses, and makes you more sexually desirable, is fair game!

When you graduate to the highest level of professional sexting you have the ability to bring your partner to climax during the session. Whether they have to resort to masturbation because your words are driving them insane, or you’ve said enough that they’ve experienced a climax with no touching at all (yes, it happens), this is the goal of sexting. Yes, I mentioned before that you don’t want to leave the conversation until a sex date has been arranged, but also, orgasms. Orgasms from sexting can be a new and fun way to explore the technological side of sex. Steamy dialogue mingled with sexually explicit, yet artistic nudes, can be a world of fun when embraced and done right. Making someone horny through words that it provokes them to masturbate or use a vibrator to ‘get off’ is one of the greatest experiences in the world, and I highly recommend it. Masturbation, specifically with sex toys, is a fun extension to sexting. Picture grabbing your dildo while reading their words and imagining it’s them thrusting into you until you cum? Its such a release!

Being a pro sexter also means you know when it’s too much. If every single text you send your lover or partner is about sex and you respond to everything they say with sexual undertones, they may start to see it as overplayed or worse, put you into the fuckboy/hoe category. Once you’re seen to them as nothing more than sex, they can quickly lose interest. So the point is, to know how to tastefully incorporate sexting into your dating/relationships while keeping other areas interesting too. Don’t be a one-trick pony. Nobody wants a one-trick pony for long.

All in all fam, just be yourself, express your truest, deepest, most deviant sexual desires with the person you imagine sleeping with and have fun with it. If you’re dealing with someone who enjoys sexting as much as you do, you’re one of the lucky ones. If you are on the opposite end of the spectrum and you have a partner that’s unresponsive to sexts, take it as a personal challenge to step up your sext/nude game and turn them into believers! Or maybe it’s you who isn’t really all that keen on sexting? Well, it’s 2021 and amid this never-ending pandemic, this might be the only sexual release you have left to try (besides Zoom sex, and that’s a whole other blog altogether), so get with the times and try something different :)

Until next time..