Written by T. Manu

Why Are Strap- Ons A Turn On?

I want her to grasp me tightly with both hands and penetrate me. She wants my fingers to find pressure between her teeth with one hand and suppress her air flow around her neck with the other but also penetrate her. Well, I have never been a master at Twister so someone’s got to give something. Right? Nope. With a strap- on these can all be played out together at the same exact time. And let me tell you when she is pleasing you just right with a strap- on, that shi* is HOT.

Hands Free Fun

Strap-ons offer a different kind of experience, deeper intimacy and an erotic connection you may not have felt prior. As a queer myself, I love a strap- on because it allows me to enter a different play room. A play room with a toy of my choice and a lot of flexibility in motions and positions. I say this because queer sex is already fun and rewarding so when a strap- on is thrown into the mix things get going in another direction. Maybe you’ve been wanting to test a strap since you watched the L word? Or maybe just because. Who knows? Interests in sex is sparked in numerous ways. And in case you are curious about strap- ons but feel guilty for whatever reason… don’t. There is no reason to be. If you are a womxn who straps a man, that doesn’t mean you secretly want to be a man and if you are a womxn who loves strap-on sex from a womxn that does not mean you want to be with a man. Those are false assumptions and poor judgements that play no realistic part into the craving of strap-on sex or your gender identity. Strap-on sex can definitely enhance your sex life if that’s what you’re into. As always, discuss what’s wanted and expected out of the use of a strap-on with your partner(s) and proceed forward. A strap-on can make sex kinky, intense, sweet and intimate or whatever you want it to be.

What Even Is A Strap On?

Well my lovely queers and non queers, a strap usually consists of a dildo attached to a harness to secure it to your body. The types of harness can vary and some are even underwear like attachment if you aren’t really into more complex harnesses. Which is my personable favorite. They’re comfy, easy to put on and fit my style. And if you don’t want a leather, nylon, cotton or plastic harness you can try out a strapless dildo like the, Fantasy for Her Her Ultimate Strapless Strap-On. Strapless dildos come with a little more work and muscle control but nothing you can’t try. Some strap ons have an internal or external vibrator, Royal Revolver Vibrating Strapless Strap-on Dildo for an example. So that the person wearing the strap-on can feel some vibrations on their genitals aside from the ones your body is creating with movement. Strap- ons are made for everyone no matter assigned sex, gender identity, or sexuality.

Which Dildo And Harness Do I Choose?

There are so many options and toys to try out when it comes to straps. Choosing one comes down to what you and a partner feel most comfortable with and preferences. An array of options play into texture, color, style, vibrations, no vibrations, size, silicone, glass, and more. My personal preference and favorite is the Silicone Strap-on System. Not only do I love this color lol but everything else about it is perfect and so satisfying. Perfect size, 100% pure and safe silicone, and feels amazing. Latex free, phthalate free, and waterproof. Try it out, if you haven’t. When sorting through the varieties offered, aim for a silicone dildo. Silicone is not only most reliable but also soft, flexible and caring to the skin. It’s okay if the first strap-on you choose doesn’t suit you best, there are so many options to test out. Don’t get discouraged by the first. Everyone has a different body type, style in harness wear and attraction to different feels. It’s A OKAY.

Do I Need To Clean My Toy?

My goodness, yes. Look, if you have to throw the sheets you were ON in the washing machine then you most definitely have to clean that strap that was IN you or your partner. You can do this by using warm water and sex toy cleaner or boil them in hot water for about 2-4 minutes. If they have an internal vibrator then wipe it down with warm water and toy cleaner. Don’t know which toy cleaner to use? Try, Foam N Fresh Anti-Bacterial Foaming Toy Cleaner. And please give your harness a wash as well! Or you can just throw it all away and get a new one since there are so many options. Just kidding, don’t be lazy, wash it and thennnnn get a new one so you can have a plethora of options. You know…. Balance. When your partner sees another package delivered just tell them you’ll explain later. Then explain with no verbal context, just pleasure. I am sure they’ll have no complaints afterwards. Don’t say you got that advice from me if it doesn’t work out btw.

I Got The Strap, But I Need Pointers On How To Use It

That’s all good because just like anything else when we try something new it can take some time to adjust to. Are you receiving? Delivering? Both? Taking turns? If you are the one wearing the strap, try it on when you’re alone and get a feel for it. I mean the toy is literally attached to your hips… it can take a second. You are using muscles you’re not used to using so it can be frustrating at first but once you get into the swing of it, you’ll be like okay okay. When it comes to using it, start simple. Simple as in sex positions that allow the most stability. The strap can sometimes slip out continuously and might spark some agitation when all you want is that consistent penetration because it feels so good. So try doggie style, any rider positions and or missionary to warm up. Slow, subtle and steady. Get used to it. After that, have at it. Throw that as* back, out, in a circle or around the room.

Get In Too Ittttttt

Everyone likes receiving penetration in different ways, angles and intensities. Receiving penetration from behind at an intensity level that sweat starts to drip between you and your partner’s pelvic area and when you are done you might need to double check that no screws fell out your bed frame… count me in. Receiving penetration at a pace when you can consume every single amount of pressure applied and hear the pace of each breathe and feel the wetness trickle down your breast line to your waist…. count me in. You can use a strap- on however you want. Everyone can feel and get something different out of it and that’s why they are fun. 

Lube? Or No Lube?

I promise you, when you think you have enough lube, you don’t. There are tons of different lubes to try so get testy. The two basic lubes are water- based lube and silicone lube. Water based is a usual go to for many because it goes with any toy material. However, just make sure there are no additives, parabens, and preservatives that can be problematic. Silicone lube is in the top tier along water based because it is beneficial in ways of being cost effective and lasts longer but NO silicone lube with silicone toys. Reason being, the materials react with one another negatively and it will ruin your toys. Aside from that, no matter what lube you choose just know the chances of you applying it more than once are not slim. No need to feel overwhelmed on what to choose first, give Simply Aqua Jelle Fragrance Free Lube a nice applied ride on your new toy and have fun with it.  It is non-sticky, long lasting AND vegan.

Strap-ons, All In All

After all considerations are taken into play, start playing. You know your body best so you will know what’s easier or what seems more difficult. You will discover what you like best out of using a strap-on or receiving. At first, it can be a little awkward because you’re learning to feel and or use something different than before. Don’t rush it because if you rush putting on your strap chances are you’re going to have to take some adjustment breaks early on. It’s important to have a comfortable atmosphere the first time you try a strap- on. If you don’t know how to put it on and you’re fumbling around trying to get everything into place as your partner(s) are just chilling on the bed waiting… you might be like fck this. So just have that open communication and patience. If you’re mentally comfortable with the strap on then I guarantee you will be physically comfortable with it. As time goes on the benefits can explode through the roof more and more. For me, the art of sex poured out from a womxn’s body when she is using a strap on is an experience you can’t explain fully, only feel. The shifts gestured from a womxn as my skin collides softly on hers, awakens the tiny hairs across my body. Even if the audio was turned off I would still find weakness in my knees. But to add the sounds created from strap- on sex is a melody that stays on repeat in my head. The closeness allowed between two womxn and a sex toy is fascinating. Find out all the capabilities your body holds.

Invest and let the climax begin.