Written by Jay Johnson

Slow Hands

Niall Horan had it right when he released this song about taking it slow and enjoying the company of another. If only we could all do the ‘slow wind’ and stop trying to rush right to the climax of every sex-capade, we might actually enjoy it. All too many times I hear from friends and see on social media how quick, fast, and rushed sex has become these days, and that just makes me sad. There are so many things to enjoy about the human body and so may acts of sex to explore, why would anyone want to rush to the finish? To me that’s the equivalent of taking a five course meal at a fine dining restaurant and putting it in a blender and drinking it down.. like, why would you even do that?! So let’s explore ways to take our time and let go of the idea that we need to speed to the finish.

These days there are sex relationships I can put into three categories: masturbation, hookups, and committed sex. Masturbation obviously speaks for itself, and yes, I do categorize it as sex because there are still the same sensations and ending (sometimes better), as sex with someone else. So whether operating manually or using a sex toy, masturbation is the act of arousing oneself to the point of orgasm or climax. Hookups are the sex adventures you have while dating, involving a one night stand, or regularly with a friend with benefits (FWB). Hookups basically have no commitment ties to them. Committed sex is the sex you have with your partner, be it your spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, or someone you’ve decided to exclusively date but aren’t yet ready to give in to titles. Whatever the agreement, you have committed your body to only being sexed by this person. With each of these types of sex relationships comes the possibility to become stuck in a cycle of fast-paced, goal-oriented sexual encounters that can leave you missing out on a lot, and I do mean a lot. So take a moment, slow your day down, and read a little on how you can pump the brakes on the ‘cum for me’ goals and learn to enjoy the journey..

It’s all about the journey

Often times in life we hear that life isn’t about the destination, but about the journey. Well, the same goes for sex! There’s so much to be gained along the way [to climax] but most of us miss that because we’re so outcome focused that we can’t stop and smell the roses along the way. But let’s explore the journey for a second, shall we? Have you ever taken a road trip with family or friends? Well, if you have, most of the memories are made in the car rides, signing, playing games, sleeping in weird positions, and of course heated discussions about directions and getting lost. But it is truly the most fun and memorable part of the entire experience. The same goes for sex. Each time you explore the body of your partner or yourself, you should be interested in everything on the way to the destination, just as much as the actual arrival. Sometimes a detour can be surprising fun, exciting, informative, and enjoyable. Sometimes how you arrive is just as important, if not more, than where you actually end up. Let’s talk more about how to actually do this, though.

Detours and deviation from the normal

So let’s start from the very beginning. If you are a person that rushes into straight up fucking, let’s rewind for a bit. Foreplay is an amazing way to slow down and tease the body for a much more powerful finish. Kissing should always (and I mean always) be a part of your sexual experience. It’s intimate and a great way to get to know your partner even better. Allowing your tongues to explore each other’s mouths and do a little dance is an amazing stimulant for the body and mainly the genitals. So please, incorporate more kissing into your sex-genda. Then you can take those lips and put them all over your lover’s body for an even more erogenous experience. The warmth of your lips on their skin is a sure way to bring on waves of pleasure that moves through their body.

Next is my personal favorite, which is genital stimulation. You can do this many ways, so be adventurous and try a few. First is hands; hands are a sufficient tool in arousing your love interest into a euphoric state, so take those ‘slow hands’ and move them all over their body, and spend lots of time caressing and massaging their genital areas. For women and feminine-presenting partners, grabbing and rubbing that ass is definitely a huge turn on. Also moving your hands around to the outer and inner lips, then the clit is going to be breathtaking (for the femmes with lady parts). For men and masculine-presenting lovers, nipple-play is actually a turn on to many of them, so be bold and grab those nips and gently massage and nibble on them. If that doesn’t give him a boner or make them grab at their strap, they’re not that into you. But move those hands down south anyway and start to massage that rod and his balls (for those with man parts), slowly. For men, women, masculine, feminine, and non-binary, you can find many toys that will aid you in genital stimulation; there are clit vibrators and clitoral suction devices as well as penis pumps and male masturbators that can help free up your hands and mouth, so they can be used elsewhere. The point is to tease your partner as much as possible, keeping them aroused and wanting more, but only releasing more very slowly over time.

BDSM is taboo to a lot of folks, or just something that’s unexplored so lots of people don’t have the experience they think they need to try it. Well I’ll be the first to admit, that being tied to the bed before sex is a spectacular way to release a huge orgasm in the end. So venture out of your comfort zone and try some soft cuffs, or maybe a ball gag, or even a nice whip or flog to the backside to strike a different pain-pleasure point. This enhances the experience by bringing new sensations into the mix. Everything in sex doesn’t always have to be about pleasure, but there is a great deal of pleasure that can be acquired through pain (in the right amount). So be dauntless and go for something you’ve never tried before to give yourself a world-class sexual exploit. You can thank me later.

Once the genitals are stimulated, I would head right into oral sex, if you’re into it. (If not, no problem and no judgements, just look again at the categories of sex toys I mentioned just above to help you with that.) Take those lips and put them where the sun don’t shine! Slowly moving over their parts offering both kissing and licking, and pressure from sucking. The key again, is the slow speed that will drive them mad with desire for more. But hold out! It will be so worth it in the end, if you continue this slow and teasing pace! — side note: having slow music playing will also add to the sensuality of the encounter and remind you to take it slow and take it all in — once you are aware of just how aroused your partner has become, because of how slippery wet or rock hard they are, you’re ready to take it all the way. But be advised, there are still some tricks left to intensify the escapade.

Heading down the final stretch

As with any race, whether a sprint or marathon, you want the final push to be strong. In some cases, stronger than the start. In this case we are gearing up for the marathon finish. You may be tired (of being teased) and need a little extra motivation to help you get to the end without accelerating too early and risking a burn out. Keep the thought of an amazing climax in the forefront of your mind and be inspired to stay the course. This is where the actual intercourse comes to play where it’s fun for everyone. I mean we all love fucking or getting fucked (or both), right? Damn right. So now’s the time, but we’re still coming at it from a slow approach. Masculines and lesbos with the big strap-ons, and fellas with the big dicks, let’s try something smaller to start. You want your lover to beg for bigger and deeper, so don’t give it all away at the start. There are plenty of dildos and vibrating cocks that come in various sizes, strictly meant for this kind of pleasure. Slowly thrusting one of these into them, will excite, arouse, and tease the fuck out of them if you don’t let them cum right away. If they do, it’s ok, you can most likely get another one out of them.

After you’ve spent enough time slow stroking your sweetheart into a blissful state, you are ready to go for the gold. Now is the time to accelerate into the finish. Using your biggest and baddest penetrating devices, be it your own cock or a store-bought surprise, jam that thing in them and do it as fast and hard as they can take it. Then STOP! Pull out. Look into their eyes and see the pain in their faces from desire, then jam that thing right back in and get back to business. It shouldn’t take long before the most rapturous, earth-shattering, mind-blowing explosion is reached by all.

Mission accomplished, fam. You have successfully taken the scenic route home, and now all the slow work and taking it all in, is worth it. Orgasms like that don’t come from bing-bang-boom style fucking, they come from the slow creep.

Closing out, you should always be willing to do whatever it takes to provide yourself and your partner the most pleasurable adventures possible when it comes to sex. Taking it slow may sound like a chore, but I promise, once you’ve experienced the final result of a slow grind, you’ll never want to just always rush in, again. I’m not inferring you’ll always have the time or the patience to have slower nights, but every now and again, it’s a great treat for everyone to take the long way home.

Until next time..